My case of the Mondays

It's 8:01pm and the season finale of "24" is now on. So why am I blogging instead of watching the best show on TV? Because of you, my loyal readers. I love you so much that I feel so dedicated to you all that only..... Oh who am I kidding. I don't care about you. The only reason my fat behind isn't in bed watching Jack Bauer kick some terroist butt is because Beth has her book club tonight. Why does that effect what I watch? If you have to ask that question then obviously you aren't married. We have to watch certain shows as a couple. Or at least that's what she tells me. So I'm taping "24", yes I said taping as in VCR. We just got high speed internet a two months ago, do you really think we're in the "DVR" generation yet? I told Beth she had to stay up tonight and watch all 2 hours of the finale before she could go to bed. She tried to give me the "Some of us have to work tomorrow line" until I reminded her that I invented the "Some of us have to work tomorrow" line.

On a side note, I love my grocery store. I go to the same one every week. Some weeks it's 2-3 times a week. It's this ghetto Food Lion here in K-Vegas. (Beth's words not mine) What I love about it is that everytime I'm there, I get to be part of fascinating conversation. Actually the conversations are very one sided as the employees there (cashiers, baggers, managers) always seem to want to talk to me about the strangest things, all the while my mind is working overtime with things I'd like to say back but don't have the guts too. For instance, here are my last three trips to the store and the actual conversations that took place:

Monday, May 15th (I'm checking out)
Cashier: Oh, this is some good yogurt.
Me: Yes, my wife really enjoys it.
Cashier: I don't know about her, but this stuff really helps my stomach. It's starts working in like 30min or something.
Me: That's good.
Cashier: Yeah, I'm pregnant and I have really bad constipation. And this stuff will loosen my stools right up.
Me: (speechless)
Cashier: Sometimes this baby is right on my bowls and I can't go to the bathroom for nothin'. Then I take this or some stuff called "colace' and it gets unconstipated in a hurry.
Me: (Speechless)

Thursday, May 18th (shopping)
Manager: Hey! How are you?
Me: I'm fine. And you?
Manager: Doing well. Are both of them kids yours?
Me: Sure are (I wanted to say: Nope, just found them in the cart on isle 4. Trying to get out before their mom finds them missing)
Manager: I knew you had a son but I had no idea you had a daughter.
Me: Yep
Manager: Does your wife ever come in here? Do I know her?
Me: (quietly pondering that statement: Beth in a grocery store) No, she works during the day so I get to do the shopping.
Manager: Well she's a lucky woman (she didn't really say that, I just through that in there myself)

Monday, May 22nd (on my way out to the car)
Old Man Bagger: That's a good looking watermelon you got there.
Me: Yep
OMB: I love watermelons. I'd love them even more if they didn't have all those da*n seeds.
Me: (patting my watermelon) that's why you need a seedless watermelon (I wanted to say: I'm sorry watermelons make you want to cuss at customers)
OMB: Yeah, but they still got them da*n white ones. You can't get the h*ll away from them.
Me: Yep.


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