God Doesn't Waste Pain by Beth Gianopulos
As I stood in the bathroom stall and wept quietly, I wondered if I would die from the pain that filled my chest. The heaviness that engulfed me threatened to smother me, and I gasped for air as my mind raced. “Is this my life now? Is this the way it will always be? Will the pain ever end? “ On the outside, I appeared to be stable. I was working at a demanding job, parenting three kids, volunteering in the community, and I was serving alongside my husband at the church he pastors. However, inside, I was crumbling. I was suffering from a hopelessness that was so crippling that it left me weeping, curled in the fetal position on my closet floor. The pain coursed through my veins, filling every cell of my body with fear and regret. My pain overpowered me at times, and I wondered if I could die from the weight and sadness of it all. My body didn’t know which state to be in – I was constantly transitioning from “fight or flight” – when my heart raced, my hands shook, and