Jack Bauer Facts Part 2

51 Torturing terrorists is like riding a bike. Jack Bauer never forgets.
52 If a suspect mentions your name, while being interrogated by Jack Bauer, you have a 3.26% chance of surviving the next 3 hours.
53 The only reason Jack gave Nina mouth to mouth in Season 2 was because he had to kill her himself.
54 When Jack Bauer says, "I don't know if I can do this anymore", the statement must be loosely translated as, "I can still rip off your head, I just don't know if I feel like I can poop down your neck at this time."
55 Jack Bauer was nominated for an Emmy for playing Kiefer Sutherland.
56 Jack Bauer thinks the word mercy just means "quick interrogation."
57 Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Jack Bauer would meanwhile do something important.
58 When Jack Bauer ran out of ammo, he caught 3 bullets in his chest and used them to reload.
59 Jack Bauer signs his autograph with bullets. So don't ask him to sign any part of your body.
60 When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
61 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
62 The Berlin Wall fell because Jack Bauer needed to get to the other side.
63 Jack Bauer has the heart of a terrorist. He keeps it in a jar on his desk.
64 If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's beef.
65 When Santa Claus asked Jack Bauer what he wanted for Christmas, he snapped his neck. No one interrogates Jack Bauer and gets away with it.
66 Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
67 Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
68 The state of California plans to reduce violent crime by changing the method of capital punishment from lethal injection to Jack Bauer.
69 Jack Bauer doesn't need to eat, sleep, or use the bathroom because his organs are afraid of making him angry.
70 If Jack Bauer needs backup, he looks in a mirror.
71 When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
72 Your husband doesn't wish he was Jack Bauer. He wishes you were Jack Bauer.
73 If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
74 James Bond has a license to kill. Jack Bauer was his instructor.
75 Mission Impossible is just another way of saying Mission Without Jack Bauer.
76 Chained to a chair, tortured, and with the threat of death hanging over him, Jack just wanted something to eat.
77 You can tell how much Jack Bauer likes you by how far above your kneecap he shoots you.
78 On Jack's day off, he and Edgar would shoot hoops and get ice cream together. Later, they'd prank call Chloe, only to have her trace the call, call them back and tell them to "grow up". Good times... good times.
79 Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
80 Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
81 Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.
82 After Season 6 of 24, the Chinese will be on the Endangered Species List.
83 It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk.
84 Life doesn't give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.
85 If Jack Bauer's gun jams, it's because he wanted to beat you with it.
86 Only Jack Bauer can fly a plane from the luggage compartment.
87 Jack Bauer arrested RoboCop. Think about that.
88 Jack Bauer let himself be drugged, beaten and captured inside a crate on a Chinese ship heading out of the USA with no way for help to find him. Now he has them right where we wants them.
89 A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
90 Jack Bauer can torture you into giving up information you do not possess.
91 Jack Bauer can pronounce the name "Ahmed" however he wants.
92 Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
93 While imprisoned in China, they made him play Russian Roulette with a shot gun. Jack won.
94 If you wish to contact Jack Bauer by phone, your call must first go through the president.
95 The only reason the Chinese kept Jack alive is so that he could bring down the population.
96 Backup calls for Jack Bauer.
97 Tony was once shot in the neck, rushed to the hospital, underwent emergency surgery and was back on the job in just a few hours. Jack Bauer still can't believe that wuss went to the hospital first.
98 Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
99 If Jack Bauer gives you his word, return it immediately and run.


Popular posts from this blog

My "Crazy Love" Small Group Discussion Questions

Her Story: Does Satan really exist? Many United Methodists see evil as more subtle.

My Office Quotes: Goodbye, Toby (Plus my thoughts on the Finale and Office Spin-off news)