My Sermon Recap: "Love's Greatest Hits" Week Six

"Love is a battlefield"
James 4:1-2

- When Beth and I got married we were not very good at anything...but fighting. As a lawyer to be she thought she knew it all and as a pastor I knew I did.
- Where there is love there will be fighting. Where there are people there will be fighting
- Spouses, parents/ children, friends, siblings, coworkers, even church members
- Today comes from years of experience. Beth and I rarely fight anymore. I say it's because we've learned how Beth says after 13 years of marriage and 3 kids we're to tired.

How not to fight
- Criticism - complaining starts with "I" and focuses on actions, criticism starts "You" and attacks a persons personality
- Contempt - criticism with the goal of hurting
- Defensiveness - becomes habit and reflex
- Stonewalling - conveys disapproval, icy distance, smugness

How to fight
- Choose your battles carefully - you don't have to fight about everything. Not everything has to be a battle
- Don't run from strife - couples claim they don't fight, really just bottling it up, resentment, bitterness, hatred
- Define the issues clearly- fight on a regular basis about everything, why? Battles become habitual when the source of the conflict is not identified. When it is it usually takes care of itself
- No put-downs - sticks and stones, the people you're closest with know your weakness and often use it to gain advantage, hurl insults at the people closest to us more then any other.
- Know when to let go - the world doesn't revolve around you. You don't have to "win" every fight". It's really not even about winning or losing, it's about getting what you want. But what does God want?

What if the other person doesn't fight fair?

Rom. 12:17-18 - Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.


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