The Return of The Office Season Five TONIGHT or "Miss Me Blind" - Culture Club

With the fifth season of The Office debuting tonight, I thought this was a good time to look back at a few of the classic quotes from some of my favorites characters.

Michael: Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North," and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.

Dwight: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

Creed: I'm not offended by homosexuality. In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors, in the mud and the rain, and it's possible a man slipped in. Would be no way of knowing.

Dwight: Very good! You have earned one Schrute Buck.
Stanley: I don't want it.
Dwight: Then you have been deducted 50 Schrute Bucks!
Stanley: Make it 100.
Dwight: We--- Don't you wanna earn Schrute Bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

Andy: Just listen, I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk, waitresses, hot. Football, Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter!

Jim: Okay, so... three books on a desert island? Angela.
Angela: The Bible.
Stanley: That's one book. You've got two others.
Angela: A Purpose Driven Life.
Jim: Nice. Third book?
Angela: No.
Jim: Okay. Phyllis.
Phyllis: Um, The DaVinci Code.
Angela: The DaVinci Code!
Jim: Nice.
Angela: I would take The DaVinci Code... so I could burn The DaVinci Code.

Jim: Right now this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And well, if this were my career I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.

Pam: Phyllis ended up using the same invitations as Roy and me, so it was kind of like being invited to my own wedding.

Oscar: Yes I'm super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company, Scranton. Much like, um, sir Ian McClellan.

Kelly: [crying]
Michael: It's okay. It's okay. [pats Kelly on shoulder] Shh... yes, I know, I know. It's been a tough day, but it's good to let it show.
Kelly: I mean, how many times to I have to confirm with Ryan [Michael walks away disgusted] for him to know that we have a date tonight?

Kevin: I'm gonna have to delete a lot of stuff. A LOT of STUFF.

Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.

Todd Packer: What's up Halpert, still queer?


Anonymous said…
Thank you for these quotes. :) Hahaha, made my day a little bit brighter! I'm really looking forward to the premiere of The Office TONIGHT!!!

I'm also really looking forward to the commercials. No, seriously! Remember that Tide talking stain commercial that first aired during the Super Bowl? So funny. Well, I work at Tide and we had a contest earlier in the year to see who could best spoof the ad. We had some great entries! The finalists can be seen here: and the WINNER can be seen during the season premiere of The Office TONIGHT. Should be great!

Thanks for letting me comment on your blog! If you have any questions, feel free to email me! I'd love to hear from you!

Mandy Jacobs :)

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