My Office Quotes: "Job Fair"

Michael Scott: Come here. [talking about Pam] I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist.
Oscar: What? Why wouldn't you say that to her face?

Pam Beesly: Michael. Do you remember you specifically told me to bring one sheet of paper. You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. I said, 'are you sure Michael?' And you said, 'Pam! Pam! Pam!' And then you sneezed in my tea and then you said, 'don't worry it's just allergies.' Do you remember that?

Michael Scott: Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth. But, uhh, kids are very weary of being lured, these days. Thank you Dateline.

Michael Scott: Yeah kiss her. Kiss her good.

Andy: Short cut! Short cut! [goes flying out of a golf cart] I fell in the sand trap.

Michael Scott: Today I am headed over to the job fair at Valleyview high school to find some new interns. Get some fresh blood. Um, euthanize this place.

Andy: Hit about twelve hundred balls last night in preparation for the day so hands are a little tender. [shows blistered hands to camera] It's actually not funny at all it's incredibly painful.

Pam Beesly: So many memories in this old gym: Pretending to have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball. Pretending to have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball. [pause] Those were the days.

Kelly: Oh my god, Darryl. You look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama.

Michael Scott: Why are you dressed like that?
Darryl: Like what?
Michael Scott: Like you're applying for a loan.
Dwight Schrute: Maybe he's going to church. Or court.

Michael Scott: Uh, Darryl will hire some kids for the warehouse. We don't have to worry about internships with them because they definitely ain't goin' to college.
Darryl: What college did you go to Mike?
Michael Scott: Let's go!

Jim Halpert: Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course because, Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan he was the temp here. Yeah. And, uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So, I am about to do something very bold in this job that I've never done before: Try.

Meredith: Guys, do we have to stay all day?
Phyllis: I mean Michael's gone can't we just go?
Creed: Yeah and I finished my work months ago.

Pam Beesly: Are you serious?
Michael Scott: Yes. And don't call me Shirley.

Jim Halpert: You know, it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap, but I have to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him that I don't quit either, and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he did, after fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today so I'm feeling pretty good.

Mr. McGuire: Let's make it interesting, say, uh, ten bucks a hole?
Jim Halpert: Great.
Kevin: What are we talking? Skins? Acee Deucee? Bingo Bango Bongo? Sandies? Barkies? Wolf? What?

Michael Scott: All of these jobs, suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than have to work in any one of these crapholes. They suck.

Michael Scott: Justin is the ugly girl in the movie who takes off her glasses and she's hot. And you realize she was always hot she was just wearing glasses. And that you were the blind one. [pause] He's the most important thing in my life right now.

Michael Scott: I want you, to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez, accountant extraordinare, this is Justin. This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will do you. [chuckling as Pam has a look of disgust] No, but she has already dated two guys in the office-- that we know of. So, this could be number three. You never kn-- [Pam walks off]

Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, people. It has come to my attention that some of you have forgotten who is in charge here. When Michael is gone [pause] Jim is in charge. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge. When Andy is gone, you answer to me. Okay?

Michael Scott: [to high school student] Hey. How you doin'? Listen, I think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny lookin' kid like you shouldn't limit himself. You can do whatever you wanna do. You can be a classy janitor or a cashier with dignity. Or a... migraine worker. Maybe for you paper should be more of a hobby.
Student: Sorry for wasting your time.
Michael Scott: Oh no problem.

Michael Scott: Today I did something stupid. I questioned myself, and I will never do that again. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert and I think, that guy can do anything he wants to do. He could, do anything. And he choses to work here, selling paper, just like me.

Michael Scott: [picking up a microphone] If you can hear me, I would like you to look around at all these companies, and know, that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on. I mean I don't even know what they do. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde! The Air Force? [Air Force staffer stares at Michael] Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league, you know! That's not what you want! Dunder-- that-- ok I see security is coming so I just wanna say come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work! Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin. We do not offer college credit, we can not give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn- it. Ok. I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you, for your time. And drive safe!

Michael Scott: Just-in time.
Justin: Hi.
Michael Scott: Just-in case. What's your last name?
Justin: Paulsnake.
Michael Scott: This just-in! Justin Paulsnake!

[Angela picks up her phone]
Angela: Extension 128.
Creed: Hiya Pumpkin, it's Creed. So we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in?
Angela: No.
Creed: You out? [Angela hangs up] Pumpkin's out! Let's go gang!
[Creed, Phyllis and Meredith walk out of the office]

Comments

Lindsay said…
You know, as a pastor, you are called to live above reproach. Why do you have curse words, sexually inappropriate comments, and God's name blasphemed on your blog? You must not think it's wrong to do these things? By posting this on your blog you are condoning such language. It is inappropriate for a pastor.
Jesusgreek said…
My Thoughts,

1) What is your meaning of "reproach"? It seems to me you mean whatever YOU think a pastor or Christian should look / act like. What is above reproach to you may not be to someone else. For example: I have some pastor friends that will have an occasional adult beverage. I personally have never had a drink of alcohol in my life. So do I say that they to shouldn't drink because I don't? Should they be "above reproach" as set by my guidelines? Be careful not to confuse your preferences with God's.

2) What is considered a curse word in one culture (the south) may not be in other cultures (every other part of the country and world). I don't use "curse" words in my day to day language but I'm also not naive enough to think that on any given day the average person (5 years old to 100 years old) hears a lot more "cursing" then I quoted in my blog. I believe it was Tony Campolo that said, "The world is lost and dying and going to hell, and you don't give a damn. What is worse,you are more concerned about the fact that I said the word "damn" than you are about the fact that the world is lost and dying and going to hell.

3) By "blasphemed God's name" I can only guess you meant the quote where Kelly says "Oh my god". Here's a quick history lesson: When God told Moses not to "use His name in vain" he didn't mean you could never say it. In those times people were making decisions and then saying God told them to say or do those things. All God was saying was not to pin our foolish choices on Him. That is what it means to "use God's name in vain.

4) There are only 2 reasons why someone would read my "Office Quotes": a) they love the TV show and enjoy getting a chuckle out of reliving some of the great quotes or b) they are Pharisee Bloggers who search the internet daily to pick out what they fill is wrong with other "Christians" blogs. Which are you?
Bianca Reagan said…
Thank you for the quotes, Jg!
Brian said…
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