My Jack Bauer Life

You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.

Every time you think about sex Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not because you thought about sex, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.

Jack Bauer saved Private Ryan.

If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.

If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.

Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. No man plays Jack Bauer.

People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.

Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.

Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing his self until he gave up the location of the keys.

Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."

1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.

If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.

Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.

Jack Bauer got Helen Keller to talk.

Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.

The quickest way to a man's heart is through Jack Bauer's gun.

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas. Jack Bauer's death was not staged. Jack came back to life after Satan was too scared to let him into Hell.

When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.

Only Jack Bauer can prevent forest fires. The thing is, he doesn't bother.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.

When you open a can of whoop-a$$, Jack Bauer jumps out.

Jack Bauer came up with the idea to can and sell his own urine, that product is known as Red Bull.

When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.

Jack Bauer played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

When the boogieman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.

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