My Office Preview & Review
Tonight on the Office...BATTLE OF THE BRANCHES - When Karen tries to woo Stanley away from Scranton, Michael fights back, dragging her ex, Jim into his war. Meanwhile, the existence of a "Finer Things Club" further disturbs Dunder Mifflin's calm.
Last week on the Office...
Jim Halpert: Nobody tell him!
Andy: Wh- no, why?
Jim Halpert: You got it. You're so close.
Dwight Schrute: Second Life is not a game. It is a multi-user, virtual environment. It doesn't have points, or scores, it doesn't have winners or losers.
Jim Halpert: Oh it has losers.
Dwight Schrute: I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. In my second life I was also a paper salesman and I was also named Dwight. Absolutely everything was the same. Except I could fly.
Michael Scott: Little girl, in a field, holding a flower. We zoom back, to find, she's in the desert, and the field's an oasis. Zoom back further, the desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel. Zoom back further, the hotel is actually a playground, of the world's largest prison. But we zoom back further--
Ad Designer: Okay, um, I can tell that your time is valuable...
Andy: Been spending a lot of time making out with Angela lately. We've been necking. But only necking. Right? Not actually... kissing, our mouths. Just a neck-on-neck. It's, just like, rubbing slash nuzzling our necks together?
Dwight Schrute: We cannot talk about this. Because, someone might hear us.
Andy: We'll use code names.
Dwight Schrute: Angela can stay the same, but we'll change Andy to Dwight.
Andy: That's not different enough.
Assistant: You have a call from Eddie Murphy.
Ryan: Hello.
Michael Scott: Shrek! I'm a donkey! I'm a donkey Shrek!
Michael Scott: Just have a small problem.
Ryan: I told you not to call about small problems.
Ryan: It's not part of your job. It's like, maybe you can cook but that doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.
Michael Scott: Well actually I can't cook and I am starting a restaurant. Mike's Cereal Shack. I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in a store.
Michael Scott: Alright let me ask you this, tell me if you think this is creative. When I was five, I imagined that there was such a thing as a unicorn. And this was before I had even heard of one, or seen one. I just drew a picture, of a horse, that could fly over rainbows, and a had a huge spike in its head. I was five! Five-years-old. Couldn't even talk yet.
Michael Scott: We have three scenes to film, big scenes. We have a song to write, so let's get cracking. Kelly, I want you to do makeup. Oscar, I would like you to do costume design, obviously. Phyllis, I would like you to look around town and see if we have any celebrities in our local area.
Andy: Does anyone actually know what Sue Grafton looks like? I mean is she hot or?
Creed: She's crazy hot.
Michael Scott: I was under the impression that this was going to be a rap.
Darryl: What's rap?
Michael Scott: Darryl, wow. You need to learn a lot about your own culture. I'll make you a mix.
Darryl: Great.
Michael Scott: I hate it! I hate it. I don't hate it, I just don't like it. At all. And it's terrible.
Jim Halpert: Pam is staying late tonight to, uh, achieve her dreams. So, pretty proud of her. Unfortunately she was my ride--
Meredith: You comin'!?
Jim Halpert: I uhh--
Meredith: Piss or get off the pot!
Comments
"Besides having sex with men, the 'finer things in life' club is the gayest thing I do."
Priceless!